sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk is not a location!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
