It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
