Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
