somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize