worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
