My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
