I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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