I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
