If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
