i think i have herpe
just one?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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