I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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