This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
