Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
