My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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