So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
