Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
