I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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