I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
