maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize