I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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