all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
