why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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