so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
