something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
