I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
