I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
