She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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