he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
