We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
