hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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