I think I just saw someone hide a body.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
