Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
