He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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