how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
