Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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