Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
