Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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