Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
