I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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