you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My vagina is officially offended.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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