Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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