I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize