Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
