There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
