You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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