I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you traded sex for a burrito?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
