your thong is hanging out like whoa
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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