My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize