So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
