woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
