His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Someone came in the potted fern
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