I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
