I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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