ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
