I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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