brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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