Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's just so happy...and so naked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Randomize
