How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
