my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
