I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
