remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
