tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
