i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When are your genitals available?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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