My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
