No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
