Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
ok first of all what the fuck
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