i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
