This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
