I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
