Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
