oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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