Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
