we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
