I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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