Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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