Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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