She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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