Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
